The Benefits of Couples Therapy for Maintaining Strong Relationships: How Couples Therapy Can Help Even the Strongest of Relationships

When most people think of couples therapy, the common assumption is that there must be major issues within the relationship and that the couple is considering breaking up and therapy is the last resort to trying to salvage it. While this is a valid reason many people seek couples therapy, it is not the only reason couples decide to attend- even healthy, loving relationships can benefit from couples therapy! So if you're wondering whether or not your relationship would benefit from couples' therapy, then keep reading as we unpack why couples counselling is beneficial at any period in a relationship (good or bad) and what valuable insight a therapist can bring to your relationship! 

Reasons Why People Go To Couples Therapy

To begin, let’s acknowledge some of the reasons why people might be motivated to seek couples therapy. Some common themes include, but are not limited to: frequent hard-to-resolve conflicts, communication difficulties, lack of intimacy, loss of emotional investment, parenting conflicts, addiction, mental health concerns, distrust, infidelity, trauma, financial problems, major life changes and the list goes on. 

Again, not every situation needs to be negative to seek counselling. Some couples may benefit from couples therapy to help them process and navigate exciting new changes in their life such as career development, buying a home, or having a child. Additionally, couples could be thriving and have a positive outlook on their relationship and are merely looking to find ways to sustain it long term, and ultimately deepen their connection.

Benefits of Couples Therapy for Strong, Healthy Relationships

Say you are one of those couples in a great period in your relationship, things are going smoothly and you really don’t see any reason why you should potentially ‘rock the boat’ and explore therapy together. Here are some of the benefits of couples therapy you could potentially be missing out on:

• improving communication skills 

• building greater empathy

• having better conflict resolution

• creating a safe space to open up

• improving emotional and/or physical intimacy

• managing future life transitions or potential conflicts

• keeping connection alive

• being more vulnerable

• reaping mental and physical health benefits

• having a secondary positive impact on children and other family members

• having more openness and appreciation of your partner.

Finding Blind Spots in Our Relationship

As humans, we tend to have unreliable perceptions of our abilities and often overestimate ourselves. This pattern can also show up in our relationships, especially when emotions are high and we see things through ‘rose-coloured glasses.’ In those times, it’s common to believe we are invincible to future problems, that our partner is perfect, or that we are perfect, and that the relationship will never change as long as things are going smoothly.

However, through time relationships will inevitably evolve and change and couples therapy can offer tools to navigate these changes successfully. A trusting therapist can act as a dependable outside lens which provides impartial and honest feedback that you otherwise might not have been able to recognize on your own. It’s amazing how well we think we know our partner, and even ourselves, until we are put into situations where we need to recognize and purposefully consider how you communicate and empathize with your partner. Therapy provides a space to thoughtfully listen to, think through and respond to issues from a point of view that is hard to reach without having professional guidance. 

In addition to often overestimating our abilities, we can also believe that we are more connected than we actually may be. Couples therapy sets aside intentional time for you and your partner to reconnect and check in honestly by opening up to one another in a way that can be hard to achieve outside of a session.

As well, having a therapist can also ensure that there is a neutral overseer of any conflict. This ensures boundaries are enforced, and both partners are feeling safe and respected throughout the discussion so it can move forward productively. This mediation can increase your self-awareness, enabling you to truly see things from your partner's perspective and work through conflict collaboratively rather than in a destructive, repetitive and potentially harmful way. 

Despite how well your relationship may be going, there is always something more to be learned about your partner and your relationship, especially from a professional who can pick up on blind spots, areas of improvement and potential dysfunction. Healthy couples don’t avoid challenges; they lay the groundwork to prepare to face them together as a team. Think of couples therapy as investing and building upon something that already exists, so it can be strong enough to sustain through any hurdles it may face.

Therapy isn’t just about fixing a problem once it’s already happened. In fact, it can be even more helpful in allowing couples to learn about one another and feel more reassured prior to problems arising so that they can be handled constructively. A prominent idea in relational therapy supported by John Gottman is that “the issue isn’t whether or not you fight, it’s how you repair”. This idea has been widely supported by research evidence that long-lasting healthy relationships aren’t based on the amount of conflict that occurs, but rather the ability to resolve and recover from it. If you can work with a therapist to address smaller misalignments early, this preventative care will save a lot of pain down the road when you may have larger issues that now may seem daunting to approach. 

Final remarks

Remember, no one said you need to wait until the last straw before you resort to couples therapy. It is here and available for any variety of situations, providing a knowledgeable third party to guide you.

Ultimately, relationships, of any kind, are composed of separate and unique individuals with their own thoughts, emotions, experiences and differences which take time to learn, understand and navigate through together. Relationships take thoughtful effort, patience and adaptation to challenges because no matter the relationship, there will be conflict in some form, and this is healthy and okay. If you put in the intentional effort before the many unknowns that life can throw your way, at least you have confidence in your understanding of your partner and the tools you can use to overcome things. 

Embrace conflict rather than run away from it. 

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Our team of online and in-person counsellors and psychotherapists in Barrie provide quality and effective mental health counselling services near you in Barrie and virtually across Ontario to individuals (6+), couples and families. We also offer an Affordable Therapy Program that provides counselling services in Barrie to individuals (12+) who are facing financial challenges that need mental health support.